Saturday, August 28, 2010

Upcoming: Life

My ideas seem to come alive as I'm walking, driving, or biking through everyday life. It's only when I finally get to my computer at home that they seem to leave my head entirely. Or else they don't sound so well-formed anymore, even to me. I think there's a filter on my front door that sifts out all that I might be intending to do or write in a day. Perhaps that's why I get work done so much better outside of my apartment. But no matter, even though I'm quite at home, fan in front of me and all, I think I'll try.

There have been several things on my mind, though, lately. For one thing, I have been thinking long and hard about life after undergraduate. It's just so sudden to be a senior in college that to think about afterward is something that can take awhile. I like where I am now. I mean, I guess I've only made it through week one of classes so far, but I really feel like I'm in my element. I've gotten into a good groove, I love my classes, I love learning new technical details from them, and I'm excited to learn more throughout the semester. Last year was a season for me of apathy, and irresponsibility. I think I needed to go through that to be so committed to the opposite now. And I am. I love being challenged and rising to it. I thrive as the underdog sometimes, whether it's in a dance class, a genetics class, or with my finances. Part of me comes alive when there is a slight element of the impossible at stake. I like being able to say 'no' to myself and honestly to other people. Not as a control thing, but because I am a people-pleaser, and I will easily let you walk on me if I don't. Learning boundaries has given me freedom in many ways.

I feel more ready than ever to launch out into real life in a matter of months, although I don't yet know what "real life" will look like for me. I just have a sense of readiness and anticipation about me lately that is invigorating and thought provoking at once. I know that God has good plans laid out, and I'm excited to live them, even if I don't get to know what's coming up as I do. You could say I just feel good about life right now. I am busy, challenged, and well-stocked with things to be doing, but I am at peace, and I like it that way.